It’s Sunday around 9 am. I woke up, fed the cats, checked my blood sugar and ate breakfast.
I often watch a YouTube video while eating breakfast.
Today, I lit a candle and enjoyed the peace.
It started snowing yesterday and turned to freezing rain overnight.
We have about two inches of snow on the ground, trees, and everything else, covered by 1/4 inch of ice.
Why I’m Feeling Calm
There are several reasons I’m feeling calm this morning.
Most importantly, it’s Sunday morning, and there’s an ice storm. I’m not going out today.
There’s no sense of urgency.
What is a Naysayer? Why I’m Really Feeling Calm
A naysayer is a person who seeks to bring others down.
It often feels personal, but naysayers thrive on knocking all around them down a little at a time.
These are not one-off comments made by mistake. They are repeated attempts to make you feel ‘less than’ them.
A few weeks ago, I was with a Naysayer I’ve known all my life. Nothing had changed since childhood.
Nothing.
When Naysayers come along, do your best to ignore them.
If you must, look them in the eye, thank them for their opinion, and keep doing what you’re doing.
Don’t change anything in response to the Naysayers. Don’t speed up, don’t slow down.
Don’t justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE).
Keep on keeping on.
Take a few deep breaths and remember that someone who cared for you wouldn’t act like that.
The Telltale Signs of a Naysayer
When in public, Naysayers attack others covertly to avoid accountability.
It’s never a direct attack; it’s always a passive-aggressive comment or ‘joke.’
Naysayers abuse people they know and put on a mask of friendliness to strangers.
If you react to the constant attacks by Naysayers, they’ll ask, “What’s wrong with you?”
It’s called reactive abuse.
Recharging after being around a Naysayer can take hours, days, or weeks. This is because their words and actions don’t match.
Your brain subconsciously works tirelessly to figure out what’s missing.
It’s empathy.
Naysayers use empathy as a tool to manipulate; it’s never genuine.
Naysayers Are a Problem With No Solution
My mind has been ruminating, trying to solve an unsolvable problem.
I’ve lost sleep and focus.
Yesterday, for a moment, the Naysayer never crossed my mind. Being in the moment was pure bliss.
There’s no way to solve Naysayers or get them to see the light.
They have been stuck in the same pattern since childhood, controlling or withdrawing from every situation.
Naysayers point to others’ perceived flaws so that others don’t see their most glaring flaw.
Naysayers don’t like themselves.
My Mind Tries to Process Two Things.
First, why would someone do something like that?
Have you ever met someone content with life who constantly puts others down?
Second, how do I make them understand how wrong their behavior is?
I vow to start setting boundaries or saying, “No, thank you.”
I expect the usual reply from the Naysayers, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “It was just a joke.”
I won’t discuss what is or isn’t a joke or how sensitive I should be.
I’ll stay calm no matter how much the Naysayer provokes me, and they will.
I’ll calmly walk away if they want to argue, debate, or continue insulting me.
There’s no ‘defining moment’ of healing from emotional trauma.
Progress comes and goes; we have good days and bad.
Healing means progress, no matter how small, and forgiving ourselves in the moments we fail.
Note: I wrote this post about people called Narcissists, but the word narcissist is challenging for me to see.